Immortal

Written by: Jasmine Groves

The leaves crunched softly underfoot, the whiff of the doe across the moonlight meadow gently aroused Vicki’s senses.

Her pulse started to race, her ears twitched. She was so hungry for blood; she would take the doe unaware, feed a little and let it go.

Her life was so busy, and for the undead she felt weary. Since the change, she had tried to stay as normal as possible. What a laugh! How normal could a vamp be?

She was one of the luckier ones though; at least she could walk in the day, thanks to the Talisman, passed down to her from her great grandmother. Just thinking about it made her chest feel warm, weighted against her neck.

After she turned, she couldn’t give up her job in the city, she loved the thrill of the courtroom, was passionate about the status and glamour that came with being one of the best lawyers in the city - even before becoming a vamp.

Now, with her overdeveloped senses, it was a complete doddle. She could smell lies and fear on those she prosecuted like their own personal aroma. If she had been undefeatable before, she was invincible now.

Immortal, beautiful and strong, her lithe body had always been fit and well defined, her long black hair falling to her waist like a satin cloak, her piercing ice blue eyes cold enough to freeze a person’s soul.

She was ruthless in the courtroom, but she wasn’t a natural killer. She had no desire to live the life of her fellow vamps. To the disgust of many, she was far too human in many ways.

Vicki could still feel love, pity and loss, all weaknesses as far as others were concerned.

Her great grandmother had ruled the city with an iron fist, people and vamps were even a decade after her death too afraid to so much as whisper her name. She had made Vicki a vamp, her last gift to her human granddaughter, her legacy, the one to take it all over.

What a joke and what had Vicki achieved in return; she was revered in the human world and shunned by her kind.  Here she was on the outskirts of the city, dressed in head to toe black leather, black sneakers and on the hunt.

Her giggle echoed as it escaped her throat, what a joke she was, all invincible, all powerful and hunting a baby deer. The doe’s ears turned from right to left, its nose puffed open as oxygen escaped it, trying to get its bearings, trying to find the predator after her.

Vicki’s thigh tensed, she stretched her back and leaped forward into a run, over dead tree trunks she leapt, her arms pumped, she was like a cheetah to watch. Just metres from the doe, thunk.

It felt like she had hit a tree, that wasn’t possible, there hadn’t been one. She rubbed her forehead, lifted her head and looked straight into Sebastian’s laughing eyes.

 

Writing Order: Angela Shaw (NZ), Suraya Dewing (NZ), Lrennes (USA), Roseyn (Aus), Hemali (Ind), Anna Zhigareva (Scot), Ray Stone (Cyprus), Jasmine (Aus), Suraya Dewing (NZ), Donna McTavish (NZ)

Comments

Oh, I love the fact that we have our first vampire serial.

It could be a little bit clichéd and seems like a cross between the original legends and the Twilight novels. That is one of the difficulties you face when writing about a hackneyed theme like vampires, werewolves, etc. To be an outstanding story in this theme, you need to either break completely with the legends as was done in the Twilight novels or write an outstanding original.
The paranormal romance genre has also published a great amount of novels in this theme. Obviously with the romance being the main aim.

Some questions that could be answered in the serial is; if her great grandmother was the immortal vampire ruler:
1. How did she have a human great granddaughter?
2. How did she die?
3. Who is the current ruler?
4. Is Sebastian her nemesis or love interest?
Just some thoughts about the theme.

I think this is a fantastic starter for some of our newer members. Something to sharpen their teeth on. Sorry, I just had to use the pun. :-)
Hi Sumanda
Thanks for your feedback and I understand your thoughts about cliché

I have read thousands of books over the years and yes probably hundreds of vampire books – even back in the 90s Vampires were capturing the imagination (centuries really if you start looking back at the stories of Dracula) – there were several series, Anne Rice wrote about them and Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise starred in Interview with a vampire – all well before the ‘Twilight’ phenomenon

I love the questions you posed as the character development and underlying storyline will be what could set ‘Immortal’ apart from other Vamp stories – I am looking forward to seeing if it is a love connection or perhaps something more sinister going on – or does she ditch the whole being a Vamp and focuses on her career… so many questions

I have booked a chapter closer to the end and like you I can’t wait to get my teeth stuck into it ;)

Jasmine
Oh, I love the Anne Rice vampire books, for me the ones that stand out is The Vampire Lestat and Queen of the Damned. The movie Queen of the Damned however gets my vote for worst movie ever with the greatest soundtrack :-)
Another one that I truly loved reading was Servant of the Bones.
Like you, I have also read thousands of books and in all genres including biographies and non fiction.
Wow! I'm booking chapter 7 so I hope both Jasmine and Sumanda leave enough meat for me to suck on.
A vampire, story! How can i resist. Fantastic serial starter, Jasmine. And you're a very funny man, Ray.
Ooh this is quite a challenge for me...but I am up for it, having discovered what fun fantasy is to write. Thanks Jasmine for the challenge!