The Third Shadow

Written by: catalyst

As he entered the restaurant Marcus dipped his head. Although lanky, no one noticed him standing just inside the door, surveying the scene. It was one he had seen many times - staff straightening tables, making swans out of napkins and polishing cutlery.
Marcus checked his watch. Ten minutes to opening time.

He made his way to the double hinged door leading to the kitchen and pushed through. At the shuffle of his boots Jonas looked up, cleaver raised above a chopping board on which lay chunks of meat.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Jonas demanded.

Marcus’ lip curled.

‘Thought I’d pay a visit.' He sent Jonas a bitter glare from ice blue eyes, 'But really it’s none of your business.’

With a toss of his head he dismissed Jonas and looked across to where Marie was preparing meringue desserts.

At the sound of his voice, she turned, ‘Marc….’ she started to say.

Marcus pulled a gun from his pocket and aimed.

‘No…o…o!’ Jonas shouted, throwing himself at Marie.

Somewhere behind him he heard the shot cut through the air. As he caught Marie he saw her eyes grow wide and shocked. She stumbled back. Together they fell to the tile floor. He lifted himself from her, horror clutching at his heart. Blood was spreading in a jagged circle on the front of Marie’s white smock. Staggering to his feet he ran after Marcus who had turned away, grim.

‘Why?’ Jonas screamed. ‘Why would you do that to your mother?’

Marcus paused, his hand up to push the door. He pointed the gun.

‘Stay clear Jonas. I don’t want to hurt you.’

Marcus left. The doors swung and rasped against each other.

Jonas sucked in a deep breath. It required an enormous effort to keep from running after Marcus. Instead he focused on the devastation around him.

‘Janie, call the ambulance!’ he yelled. ‘And the police!’

The breath-held aftermath broke into a cacophony of banging furniture, shouting and awful sobbing. Numb, Janie stabbed at the telephone numbers.

A shadowy form slipped out the back door and into the night. She had seen it all.
 
Authors: Suraya Dewing (NZ), Gregg Mattson (US), Raymond Stone (US)

Comments

This is a Commment Bold text is underlined
This is a test. I don't really love you!
Hi - when notified that your chapter is open, where does the writer go to enter/edit it?
I take it the buttons below only pertain to the comment area.
However, perhaps the Save should read Save Comment
and the Preview should read Preview Comment
Thanks!
ELR
As Suraya will mention, this is only a BETA and will require small improvements yet, to have it running smoothly.
For now, I’ll give my experiences and comments, then anyone else that reads this may have an easier time when they add their chapter.
The story and all its chapters are now booked. When you booked your chapter I think the first thing that should happen is an automatic email should be posted to that person explaining what is going to happen. The process of waiting for all chapters to be booked. How many hours/days you have to write your part. That it can be edited afterwards (if it can) - oh, and that it will be automatically viewable by the general public or just Suraya or by just the people involved with the story.
Then the email should state that when ‘your’ turn to write your chapter arrives, you will be given clear instructions, with a link, on what to do. Such as, click on link, click on EDIT for your chapter, make sure the TAB up the top right is set to EDIT not VIEW or COMMENT (or what ever tabs are going to be there).
Then begin typing or copy and paste your text into the field.
I also believe that the text field should support RICH TEXT so that when you copy and paste your text, it doesn’t lose things such as italic text.

Also, when I previewed these comments, I saw that it mashes it all together removing line breaks etc. Possibly would be better for these text fields to support line breaks and Return/Enter.
But, no big deal if it doesn't. It just won't read as easily, is all.

That’s possibly my only comments for now, considering, as I said, this is only the BETA and many more changes are likely still to come.

Oh, and HAVE FUN!

Cheers, Mat.
I was supposed to book a space here but it appears that I am too late. Hope it goes well and look forward to the post beta edition!
I was thinking about booking a space but it seems that I am a little late. I hope that there is a chance for me post something during the beta edition.
The serial you mention in your blog seems to a fantasy writing. Do you have more than one story in progress? I would like to book a chapter at some point in time. As you see my interests and the type of novels I have written, I would be interested in something of that type, since this one is booked. Let me know your plans.
I think it would be a good idea to try and enter as many serials as possible and have a go at writing outside the comfort zone rather than wait for one that you can get your teeth into.
I agree with madbrit on this one! What a perfect opportunity to stretch out and work in a genre or style that one normally doesn't write in. I hope to enter into every serial I can with the goal of staying as true to what has gone before as possible.
Hi
I've read all the chapters now and one trend I see is the overuse of dialogue. At times it feels like I'm reading a play script rather than a piece of literary work. I appreciate the writers are under pressure for turn around, but the use of narrative takes away my ability to visualize the scene - it is as though I'm being told what to think and see rather than letting the reader create their own imagery.
I could not agree with you more. Obviously there will be dialogue but setting the scene so the reader can visualize the surroundings, noise, smell, feel etc. is just as important. Good POV
I was intrigued how the story was going to turn around after the introduction of the Masc bot concept and that intrigued me enough to keep reading it. I like the concept, it's exciting to participate in, especially when there is a curve ball thrown.

I also agree that there was a little too much dialog, but I suspect that it's necessary to keep the story moving and to explain what the characters are doing with the constraints of a 500 word chapter length.

Keep it up, the Story Mint is onto a good concept.
test post