Recently a long-time friend contacted me and tentatively shared a piece of her daughter’s writing. The writing is beautiful, elegant, sophisticated and moving. It is the daughter’s struggle, battle, inner turmoil with being anorexic. She described how bullying when overweight affected her. I will not share any more of her story as I hope at some stage to share it on The Story Mint site – the reason for sharing is so the debate about words, images and their impact on others can open up a sensitive subject for discussion.
The next day ringing me, the daughter asked if we could catch up. We laughed when we talked about catching up for a coffee. The reason it is amusing, is that neither of us drink coffee. In New Zealand, the common language for catching up is “for a coffee.” Communicating local language without thinking to the picture it creates, is .
Bombarded daily with messages and images that is “the in thing”, defies critical thought and at a subliminal level creates harm. The same day my friend contacted me, an article in the local paper celebrated a young New Zealand woman getting a modelling contract in the United States. The young woman, sixteen years of age, discovered through social media fits the fashion industry definition of beautiful. What of the thousands, if not millions of young women who never will look like her. Her personality, intelligence, skills are not discussed – she is pencil thin beautiful.
Role models are not the exclusive domain of the young; at all levels of life, we have role models, just the criteria for being role models shifts with age. Role models send us behavioural messages, just by existing. Barraging young woman with images and words, talking about being slim to be beautiful; what are the consequences of such messages? When the sole purpose of being a woman is to be beautiful; what is the message that is received. I grew up with a cliché father; he knew thousands of clichés. One cliché that stayed with me through the years is “beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what one beholds another might not.” I have no memories of growing up as a young man that I had to be handsome. Why is there a difference, especially in a so-called enlightened age?
I grew up, encouraged to enjoy food and appreciate those who prepared it. Food is a tool of survival, so to be put in a position where food becomes something evil is akin to getting the self-message that survival is wrong. I am not interested in entering the debate on excess eating and its dangerous consequences suffice it to say anything in excess creates potential problems. I am talking about unconditionally accepting others – a tall order that I have failed many times in the past and still do in certain areas of my life.
I struggle with modern youth role models – those whose excessive drinking and drug addiction create a strange normality. The normality is strange, as taking drugs and alcohol to escape the reality of life, for me, lacks courage and tenacity. Each year in New Zealand and Australia there is remembrance services for the ANZAC combined forces soldiers who died at Gallipoli in World War 1. The ANZAC spirit lives on and each year in both countries, we remember those who have died fighting for our freedom. The word used for death is “fallen” as it paints a picture of the gallant soldier charging fearlessly into the fray against a determined enemy. Not all soldiers died in such a valiant way. Many died of illnesses such as excessive dysentery and other such glamorous ailments. Their contribution is significant, because they were present at the battlefield. The use of language has shifted them to the shadows of war.
The use of language shapes, influences us, hides the unspeakable so we can imagine the glory of battle, without seeing the atrocities. Language for one young woman among many had put her in the shadows of society, when we need her in the open to self-examine our own role in her illness.
- Bruce Howat's blog
- Log in or register to post comments