Author Notes:
-The reason I was being very brief in my former descriptions because I thought the word limit was 500 words. Oops. So here’s some explanation:
The interrogator is the representation of the people whose lives were ruined by politicians such as the man being interrogated. The politician expresses resentment against those like his sister for their insight and intelligence, and their urge to be themselves. Due to being pressured to be well-liked, as noted in the last episode, he uses this resentment to held commit future atrocities.
Some of my inspiration for Just a Game can be found here: http://pinterest.com/kittybergeron/just-a-game/ and here: http://pinterest.com/kittybergeron/music-act-6/
-Any help in regard of variety of body language/dialogue tags would be very helpful! Anything else you see please let me know! Enjoy! And for those who comment, I WILL get to your work. Please link me with the work you’d want me to look at, and I will ASAP!
The interrogator laughed, leaning back in his chair. “So you met Turtle-face at one of your first campaign fundraisers when you were running for Senate, correct?”
“Yes,” the man said, clearing his throat. “I had practiced civil law in my home state for about twelve years before I ran. My old office had a fundraiser event for me, and he was there.”
The interrogator summarized the man’s words on his paper. “What did he say?”
“He just said he wanted to finance my campaign because he liked my platform.”
The interrogator rolled his eyes. “What was Turtle-face doing before he funded your campaign? Did he get paid to be some bank’s asshole?”
The man frowned. “He began my political career. I wouldn’t have been anyone without him.” His eyebrows furrowed. “He was a good guy.”
“And he got you to win!” the interrogator added.
“It was a close-call, though,” the man said, shaking his head solemnly. “About fifty-one percent to forty-eight percent. The only reason it wasn’t closer was because the other candidate was caught taking bribes in some union nonsense. So I got those votes.”
“Did you change at all during the election?” the interrogator asked. “Any worldviews drastically change?”
The man shook his head. “The only real thing was that I became…more aware of my image. I began to emphasize more, and tried to see how much I could get away with by doing that.”
“I can see that.” The interrogator wrote the last bit before sighing, “I think that will be enough for you to have something to eat now.” He wiped his forehead and said, “Give me the bread and water.”
Behind the interrogator, a slot opened, light shining in. The white walls flashed for a brief second before it closed. The locks on his arms were released. The interrogator gave the man a warm, small bread loaf on a plate and an icy cup of water. The man took it, tearing through half the loaf. He then took the icy glass of water and guzzled all of it. He was about to finish the loaf until the interrogator said, “Eat slowly,” “I’m not going to bail you out after you eat too fast and want more.”
The man looked at the loaf of bread. Bread crumbs, left like fallen autumn leaves on the desk, covered a circle of the table. Embarrassed, he put the rest of the loaf back on the plate, and wiped the crumbs onto the floor. He pushed over the empty cup, and said, “Thank you.”
“That’s one way to solve the problem,” the interrogator mumbled. The man looked at him, but the interrogator looked indifferent.
The interrogator cracked his knuckles. “Did you do any public speaking in school?”
“Tons,” he said, savoring the bread. “I spoke at every school graduation. Kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college. You name it, I made a speech.”
The interrogator tilted his head. “Did you believe in or write what you said, or was it all that teacher-prepared crap no one believed?”
The man shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes. Other times it was just a bunch of bullshit for the parents to clap at. One time I made a speech about the new in the cafeteria. Little did they know the fruit was old fruit the supermarket was going to throw out, but gave to us instead. “He laughed, holding his head with his hand. “All of them were idiots. All of them. Idiots.”
The interrogator put down his pen. He folded his hands, leaning over the table. He stared right into the man’s eyes. Everything was still.
Finally, his lips moved when he whispered, “Is this one of those sometimes, or is it one of those other times?”
“I am telling the genuine truth,” the man said.
The interrogator reached into his back pocket, and held up a silver remote. It had two options, hot and cold, ranging from absolute zero to a hundred degrees Celsius. “It better be.”
Comments
Hi Kitty. I think there is a word missing in the sentence "One time I made a speech about the new in the cafeteria". My other thought is you are drifting into too much dialogue. When I quoted "Dostoyevsky, he does have a lot of dialogue, but there are decent chunks of narrative. I do love what you are doing with the story and it is building tension, which is brilliant. Cheers Bruce
Thank you for your comments! Just a question, though: Where do you think narrative is lacking? Is it a particular section, or just overall? I'm in the process of planning the next few episodes, and would be curious to see if I can use your tips on planning them with more narrative. It's hard since interrogation involves a lot of talking. However, I do have plans with the interrogator using the remote and rest breaks for the man, so there isn't much dialogue there.
Cheers!
-Kitty
That is smart writing Kitty with genuine political intrigue. Keep delivering more.
Hi Kitty. I don't think you need to remove any dialogue, just fill it out a bit with room descriptions, or memory triggers for either party. Your dialogue is good quality. A number of pieces of creative writing reads like a play rather than creative writing, and your work is not at that point, but it is at risk of doing it. "Bread crumbs, left like fallen autumn leaves on the desk, covered a circle of the table." - this is excellent narrative. What memories did this trigger for the person being interviewed? This is an example of where you can expand and not detract from the story. In fairness, most writers need to trim back their work; from my perspective you need to expand - not much as it will end up as waffle. Just enough to keep us tantilised. I hope this helps - remember I am no expert on these things - just one persons perception. You have such a neat writing style, don't stop writing.
Hi Kitty,once again a really good chapter. One thing that needs looking at in dialogue is how you introduce a character who is about to speak. There are, if I counted correctly, 10 sentences starting with 'The Interrogator' . To the reader this can become too repetitive and therefore distracting. If I may give an example - The interrogator cracked his knuckles. "Did you do any public speaking in school?" this could be changed around so that you have variety and balance. Cracking his knuckles, the interrogator continued, "Did you do any public speaking at school?" This might help a better rhythm for the reader. Also this could be turned into narrative as in - The interrogator cracked his knuckles and asked the man if he had ever done any public speaking at school. More words are used which goes against the idea of cutting them to tighten the story up but in the case of a prolonged conversation turning dialogue into narrative gives the reader a breathing space and adds both more interest to the conversation and a more positive picture of the character. This is a very interesting story.